The sky is stained crimson with the blood of a thousand dying sacrifices made This Side of the canyon. Each month, on the Day of Killing, the sky pulsates. Wind throws painful screams to the far corners of the world. It rides across the land so everyone knows - and celebrates - rain will follow. That is why the four of them must leave This Side. Leave, or die. Two young woman and two young men escape into the canyon, chased by their city's army. The canyon is riddled with demons and monsters, the journey through is long and dangerous. And one of the girls has a secret that puts them all in real danger.... If they even make it to the Other Side without dying, is it really better there?
The opening line starts off with a bang - the blood of the dead paints the sky red
This serves two purposes. One, it tells us this place has horror and mystery and perhaps even secrets, which makes it exciting. Two, this tells us it's a descriptive read.
The next line sets up the stage - people must kill, or it just does not rain, ever
But I did not say that exactly, but you understood that from the text. This shows that as a writer I'm not going to spoon-feed my readers. The reader feels acknowledged in their ability to follow a story and interrupt it on their own.
The third part sets the story the reader will follow - four people must run away or die
This tells us who, what and why.
Next I set out a list of problems they face - armies, demons, secrets
This tells the reader there is more than meets the eye here
Lastly I end with a question (though this isn't always needed) - is it better?
That should give the feeling of a resounding "no" so the reader feels the need to know for sure
There is no hard and fast rule. Give away secrets, keep the mystery, play on characters, reveal a different plot. There are tons of ways to write one, the best way is to write a few and ask people to read and pick out the best ones. Ask them what they think and why. In fact, why not send yours through and I'll take a look
No comments:
Post a Comment